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DS Baby the Stars Shine Bright, Angelic Pretty jsks   
01:45am 30/06/2013
mood: Tired
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Not much going here   
12:20am 25/08/2012

You ever get that feeling where you just don't know which way to turn anymore like you may have made so many wrong decisions when you maybe making the worst mistakes of your life. I dunno anymore apart of me tells me this is what I deserve and what I want but when fate kicks my ass and ensuates that I shouldn't change fate I should accept my cards dealt to me. Just feels so wrong my heart races just the thought of him but I can't be with him. I've got my other life and that's how it should stay I'm having a rough night tonight I just don't think I'll be ok right now

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

DS: Meta LP OP, DoL Melty Chocolate Replica, Bodyline Salopette & OP   
04:00pm 19/05/2012
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feedback please leave it!   
04:30pm 10/12/2011
feedback please leave some!    
04:27pm 10/12/2011
  Originally posted by eglfb at kiritosmichiru


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would like   
11:34pm 26/09/2011
mood: bitchy
I would very much like the comm sales back the drama needs to stop... >< Want just to be able to buy dresses that will fit me. please!!!!
So I feel like ick .   
10:48pm 16/11/2008
mood: embarrassed
So I posted my photos on 4 chan stupid me... I was called a cow and was told to put down the fork. I am going on a strict diet. Ill drink water... and nothing but water. And probably.. Eat less maybe allot less.

I have been having Dreams about Christian again which is all so wierd for me I am with the  man that I love and then I still want the love from him also. Why does this always happen to me.

On other notes... Im so lonely right now I cant wait till I get somewhat home so I can spend it with my friends. I wont know how brian will be when that comes up all I know is that we have limited friends here and Im pretty sure he could go hang out with Jim. Right now my mind is fully thinking about being in RI. I want to see my sister and my New nephew. I want to hold him. Plus I would love to see my dad and Mom plus hang out with Mandy and Missy and peter and everyone else. I know I want to go to the club when I get home. Ill probably pick up a  new club outfit to where. Ill be super skinny before I get home.. I think I am like 190 to 200 lbs.. I want to be down to 160 before I am home.. So My goal is 30 to 40 lbs in less then 6 months. I hope I can do it. If I have to Ill starve myself. I just dont want to be called a cow specially that they dont know I am a mom and have huge hips now from it. Size 11 pants would be nice... and 11 dress size.. SO maybe I can start losing this fat on me.

ugh Everyone cheer me on please k.


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Update time.   
12:50am 05/11/2008
mood: determined
So now that I am fed up with Lurking. I have lots of things to say today. So first off lets go with the election... I AM HAPPY we have a democrat coming back into office... Thank goddess. That makes for a happy Michie we will finally see a day where the money in this world will fluctuate better. I hate what the republicans have done to this country...

And on other news, I moving back home in april ish. I cant wait to get back home. That is the biggest thing I have wanted in a very long time now. I cant wait.. Brian says he will move to eastern connecticut . So Im looking into Putnam only cause its only like 20-45 minutes from everyone back home.

Then My mother wants to come visit me... out here. Which will be wierd..

PFFT..... >.< And words traveling that my wonderful ex got booted out of her apartment today... That is hilarious.  I rofl-coptered.

Its just so many good things today although..... work is hard enough.
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waiting for it to come in..   
12:03am 28/09/2008
mood: amused

I will be Cosplaying this at the anime convention.... I cant wait till it comes in.

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09:41am 16/08/2008
mood: cynical
Off to work this morning. Im supposed to be basically on my own like with ending shifts and stuff like that. I can make reservations and take inside calls from people in the motel but other than that I am scared to pick up the phone... Im so going to mess it up.. I hope that I dont. Because of what is going on Im not really much stressed to much. Jess talked about sueing me and her brother threatened to sue me also. I am not happy about that But I knew that she was not going to sue. Her and her brother are all talk because they both dont have the money to hire a lawyer so they are just threatening. Me and Kala and mandy are sending out mirrors to find the truth and I have been seeing some things but I dont know if any of them are coming true.. But I knew she wasnt going to do anything from the astral. Brian and I are finally happy and if Jess wants to takee Erika away from me then go ahead and try. I will win and if anything she has been saying allot of shit about me all in text form. 
HAHHAH Live journal is the place for me   
05:34pm 11/08/2008
mood: pissed off
Have you ever know someone who was like really nuts and psychotic? I do... I will constantly will... She is a horrible person.

Does anyone you know constantly lie? Constantly with holding empty promises? Doesnt care about you or anyone around you? Care about your magical relics? I know she is lying about throwing brian's hair out because I asked her before the box was thrown out to look in there to find it and she told me it wasnt in there. I have had enough of this... Thank goddess I dont have to deal with her anymore..

Yeah I know I am a pain in the butt.. But you know what My mother taught me that I was to never hang around with Scum bags... and Im sorry I have never sold my body out for money. Never.. even when I was desperate .... I would never beg anyone for the money either.. That is what I have two arms and two feet for, TO FIND A  JOB.... You know I dont think I ever hung around with someone like that.. You know if you are reading this JESS, You should go into porno at least then you'll make more than $60, hell, from what I hear you can just get 50 dollars from a blowjob... But no... You gave a blow job and You let him butt sex you too.. Ha there is nothing in this blog that can be torn down for I am doing nothing wrong.

But hey the only friends you have now are the ones that want to have sex with you... Can you only count on one hand? right? thats it.... the only ones you can count on..... Because make sure you get a job when your in mass ohh and btw its not like anyone is going to want to see you in RI... so why dont you stay in Mass with your friends.. and stay away from all of MY friends...

Must be nice knowing that all kids that have crappy families end up like this right? I mean you know... just because you got raped as a child doesnt mean you have to go around asking for pitty and you are the only one doing this to yourself to think when someone got raped as a child now wants to have sex for money?  How is this possible? SOMEONE Tell me ? I dont understand.

Hey its ok... At least I dont have someone crawling all over me looking for sex and a relationship anymore. Im done with her. So done. I dont love THAT thing anymore... At all.. Not even as a sister. I feel so dirty that I ever slept with her.. But hey this is what you get for pissing me off. Lying to me, then taking down my first post, so now........ I will be playing Dirtier Jess Baker! Dont mess with me anymore.. Or else it will get worse. Your lucky that the only thing I have left of you is that stupid unicorn... that will be used for something...Just remember the more you do stuff to me and my myspace the more bad magic I can use on you... No one can get me there...

Keep taking my Blogs down little girl Ill just back them up and keep posting and you know what there is nothing you can do about it. This is my journal.. I can write whatever I want in it..

If I want to write about someone who totally Doesnt care about how I feel, or my stuff, or when we were dating got pissed off because even though she knew I was still in pain she couldnt accept that I broke up with her 3 months in to our relationship.. Maybe you should have moved into Stephs.... You might have had more luck with her... she would have threw you out first. But Hey all I did was take you in like any good friend, even gave you good advice. Maybe I hit you a few times but you know what I can count on one hand when I hit you... And that was because you were out of control.. Slit your wrist because you were too drunk.... And the time when you told me you were going to sleep with An for money.. But hey its too late now. Im done with Dirty skanky whores... done ... absolutely done.....

You can only thank yourself for the blogs,and  ex friendship.

Goodbye Jessica Lynn Baker... oops did I put in your full name..... Holy moly.... Sorry ex friend jess.
so a recent update is in order.   
04:44pm 18/07/2008
mood: enraged
Im thinking its time for another update....

On the home front less then 2 weeks and Holly and Flip will be gone but it looks like Ill have another friend on the way... Hehe Working on that.

On THE RI FRONT..... There are a few people who upset me recently. But hey they know who they are.. And I want to thank someone else who even though she cant do much right now.. due to a recent new Certain new nephew that will be brought on this earth for me is willing to help me during the really hard time and because of that I LOVE YOU TRISH!

These certain people that piss me off... hmm well Back when Warren and I were together,,, This was before anyone got me a valentines gift from anyone. He was the first real relationship. He brought me a box wrapped in paper and when I opened it, it was my first rice Cooker that he had bought me from China town I was so happy because this is something that is really sentimenttal to me. Nothing can replace that memory for me. But a certain ex girlfriend of mine who thinks I owe her 300 if anything its $140.
100 for half the car
40 for the phone bill...

That is all I owe her because she never shut off my line to the phone.. so I am not responsible for that. But hey all she cares about is herself... And doesnt have a caring bone in her body at all.

Then there is mandy who when I picked up the phone because I was so upset to the point that I needed to call a friend she told me she didnt want to get into the mess of what me and Jess were discussing but hey this is what I get for trusting people other than MY FAMILY...

So at this point I already knew what I am going to do for October. And I already have a list of people I am going to hang out with.

To any other people who read my LJ IM looking forward to making plans to hang out in OCT.....

With that in mind I may post this on my Myspace also it all depends how pissed I am...
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So..since Myspace Blogs are down i am writing here.   
06:14pm 19/04/2008
mood: aggravated
So I recently moved to Everett Washington. I left everything I know and love back there. But Im thinking that everyone thought I would be coming back... well I am sorry to say to Everyone I am really happy here and do not wish to go back to RI.

A certain few people in Rhode Island are not getting the hint apparrently. And keep saying they miss me. Unfortunately I have been asking them to help me send my stuff out here and its now been like 3 weeks and I havent seen any of my old stuff yet.. So I may call my mom to help me with that. I hope that everyone can understand because everyone in RI is happy.. I wasnt .. I m happy here.

Jess: Listen I cant trust anyone who cant open up to me anymore. Im sorry I even met you under the circumstances but I dont think you are really coming to terms that I am gone and not sleeping in the same bed with you anymore.. I hope that one day you will see that and that you will see with eyes unclouded.

Mandy : I love you ... but unfortunately I cant always call you guys. Things are busy. I do try to keep in touch as much as possible. With the way things are right now.. blah....

I might dissappear from everyone with the thoughts I have been having. Im only calling the few people who care about me. Why cant people understand this is the first time in my life I am actually happy... I may not be doing well with jobs but im not going back there. NO WAY. I love it here. It makes me happy.

So everyone please take this as a warning.
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As the days pass....   
10:10am 18/02/2008
mood: determined
As the days pass I realize that its a mix between two feelings I cant wait to get out there and I can wait so I can spend as much time with my family as possible. Specially little Trishy because shes in for round 2 of what I went through. I hope that she does well.. I know she will be a great mom and well everything will be ok. Dennis proposed.. Honestly I was happy for her and the social acceptance from the family is great. But then there is that part where Brian and my family dont get along so what am I going to do.. my wedding which I want to do in June of 2010... Because it gives us enough time to get settled in and maybe get money together so we can get married. 20,000 dollars is allot of money. But its always good to precautious.

I miss him. I know this. The phone calls decrease... But the texts and online convos are there so the thought of his voice is like I have to catch him during the weekends so we can talk .But right now.. I have 40 ish days left. Well it seems way too long.  I dunno.. Im trying my hardest to go through 2 bins a day and get things that I want and things that i dont want in order. Its really hard for me right now. I m not motivated on days like this. I hate these kind of days. I hate them they feel like dreams that are unreachable.
The "right now....'   
11:46am 09/02/2008
mood: blah
It is well known that right now my life will change drastically... And Drastically I must actually get my life together.  To my friends who care.. And they know who they are I thank you for the time you have spent with me and cheering me up. I have been really lonely lately.

Work is going ok... I messed up abit.. I kinda really just didnt mean to let something happen but it did. One day this week I had to call out twice.. My throat is messed up and well... I have an ear infection to. Plus Erika was throwing up also. Which wasnt good when both Mother and daughter are not feeling good.. So I called out two days out of 3. I am not a teacher's Assistant but a teacher. WOW... I cant believe it.. I am really happy.. I am a substitute Teacher. WOW.... Im really happy that I can make a difference in a childs life.

Well to let you know.. Im not sure what is going on but I think I made a friend.

I finally did my taxes.. Im only getting like 1,100 back.. which means a certain.. Loan will have to be extended alittle.. But I will make an installment when it comes in. I hope that maybe I can talk Jess and mandy into helping also... I cant pay all 2000 plus... but I will make it so I pay at least 1/3 ish when the taxes come back...


For those of you all opposing my *decision* I will tell you that my life is me and Erika's BUSINESS ONLY!! I dont want to be told how to live it.. The only thing that matters in me and Erikas life in me and her.. I have no SAY OVER AMYS relationship WITH BRIAN. So understand I am not Happy that its a win for me and a loss for Amy but happy that I was right all along. And that I wont have to be the one in the future telling Erika her Father lives across the country and doesnt care about her at all. I ask of you to think about that. And a reminder that I dont know what kind of a person Erika is yet she is still so young to know what she will grow up to be. I hated the fact that my dad was there only physically.. But I was happy enough that he was there. This is a reminder to try and look at someone elses life before your own and a reminder that not only did your shit happen but sometimes people are softer than you are and cant handle the thought of their father not there. So here I am Telling you off in my blog.. Why???? Because I feel this is my life and the way I feel.. If you dont like it Tough... It has to be said.

I am the only one who was there with Brian for the last 3 years for every little thing he went through... ONLY ME. So why pass judgement on someone you dont understand that is not fair to that person. And not fair to his daughters.. I will Keep Amy in my life. I want amy when Nikki wants to come out to Seattle I want her and erika To have a great relationship. Although the hardest part.... about this is... we will be in two different places..

But Here is my rant.. HA....

08:44am 27/01/2008
mood: blah
Every day it seems like the wait for me and Brian to be together is getting weaker little by little. So in a way Im really happy. But I do have to leave allot of stuff behind. And  allot of my friends. But I have been asking Isis for this to happen for the last few years and it finally happened and Erika and Daddy can spend some quality time together. It makes me happy to know he wants to be a father. Although I worry for Amy's sake because I wont mention the D word in front of her. That just is something that I dont want to see is Amy crying. I just think she would be better off Knowing Daddy is alive and ok. And that he cares about her. But the thoughts that she will spend time with Her father she would need to get over a mountain. But I dont think she is old enough to understand daddy is going through a rough time in his life. I am willing to fight for something and I think I have won this time.

So I have been sitting down with my to do list before and When I get to Everett.
get w2
Start getting stuff ready by going through my and Erikas clothes
Find Apartment out there - Done
Work on Job out there.
Take necessary items
Get insurance for me and Erika.
work on getting luggage for the trip.
And UPS anything I need to .

So this is things I need to do before and after April. Its alittle list but its spanned over time and needs to be done in steps.  Finally I am getting what he and I both deserve and that is each other. I wonder what its going to be like when I get out there. It is a current worry for me. And all I know is that we need to be together. I worked so hard for this. I am not ready to give this up.
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I have some really important news   
10:28pm 07/01/2008
mood: bouncy
Im now a taken girl again... Im engaged to the one Man I love.
12:39am 07/01/2006
mood: confused
Why is it that I have so many conflicting Feelings? Every night for the past couple of weeks all I could do was think about Warren sure things maybe over with us Relationship wise. We never really communicated. But for me to sit here and look to other side of me sleeps my Beloved C chan and Not Warren who maybe Cuddled me a little more than C chan does. With Erika here I know that Warren will never accept me in his life with a child and some days I want to go to his work and Dress up really nice and Show him that maybe I have changed and with every change might be a better me.

Then there is Ian.... I am takeing him to go see a movie On Wednesday. I know he likes me and I like him to and I know that is a forbidden love like all the others.

I wish there was some way I had the answers to what I can do. I desperately want to get the love and attention from Warren and Brian. But I care about Ian too!!!!!!!!!!!! Oi so much drama I really need to get a life and actually stick with him damn me being a gemini!
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09:30pm 27/11/2005
mood: annoyed
Wow Yeah it has been awhile, I have been really looking forward to updating.. So thank god for that. Well I guess the first thing that maybe new is that I am working at EB games at the RI Mall and yes if you are wondering I get a 15% discount But Im not sure how to do it so Ish. And well things are going really well with me and Brian I guess. I am not really worried that something will happen. So Hopefully there will Be no changes. Theres just so many things I want to rant about though.

Kaitie... Didnt think I had to hear about her anymore considering but now that Ken is living next door shell be in the house but thank god not in my Apt.. And may I reiterate what happened and the reason why I dont like the girl.. She is a threat to me. She has hurt Ken so much and she really doesnt care about his feelings and well she almost seperated me and Brian.. She thought I was tieing brian down to me when I really wasnt trying to and I gave Brian the space he needed to be the way he wanted and not hold him down the way any other woman would.

Then I guess me and Nate had a spat before I left.. And well I really cant believe why it happened...

Me and My mother are doing good.

I went to Maine this weekend.. It was really great, My mom got a speeding Ticket we saw a really bad accident on the way there. And well it was Snowing when we were really close to My Aunts.. OMg My Cousin Micheal is really looking different and more like my Uncle more and more each time I look at him.. I realize that I havent been up there in 6 years. I cant believe it was that bad. Trish MAde up a new song and well it is really funny... Thank you Old Man in the Yellow Bug.

Rocking NK   
01:27pm 22/10/2005
mood: content
Yeah I know bad title.. But that is where I am living now and I have no phone and no internet and it is sucky..... Things are so ishy and iffy... I am somewhat happier that I am not with my mom anymore and it truely makes me happy but then again I am so vulnerable.. Im out on my own.. I keep getting reassurances from the people I love that this is the best thing for me and that things are going to be a hell of allot better and that they will help me through thick and thin but with that.... I also have a little bit of doubt in my relationships.... Is this forever? I hope so I dont think I have ever been more happier in my entire life. Brian is a peach with Erika now.. Sometimes he worries me but for the most part he is a big help ^^;. I can only accept what he is giving me right now and that is love for me. Monday nights I spend holding him close to me.It is the only night he has off and I am trying to work on getting a job right now. Which would be really cool since I desperately need internet access. DSL or Cable I really dont care which.I wouldnt mind not having a phone but Internet and not haveing it is driving me insane.

Brian is the part of me that tries to bring the sun out of a rainy day. Its hard but it can be done and with the things that have been going on with my mom right now I am so glad that it has been this way.. Hopefully things will start rolling faster and Nate and I are getting along great!

And with more good news. I have been elected to play d and D again and I am really happy about that. I am mostly right now playing video games when I put Erika down for the night and I am so tired most mornings and I like sleeping in till about 11.

but I need to go..